Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
