I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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