I'm sorry my penis didn't work
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
