Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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