I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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