Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
