Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
