Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
