If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
A+ Viking dick
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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