After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
