Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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