All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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