I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
