don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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