Yo dont text me then not text me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
