I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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