1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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