i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
