also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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