Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
