does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
