I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
