i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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