In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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