I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
