I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My bed smells like the plague
Holy shit dude........stairs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
