Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
