In the future we'll all be gay
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
