I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
