fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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