guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
