No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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