Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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