You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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