'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
