I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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