Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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