her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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