We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
