you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
