A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Enjoy the penises
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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