she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
