I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
this hospital has no fireball
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
