Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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