Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
