You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
