It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
