you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize