I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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