I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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