the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ketchup is God's man juice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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