both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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