I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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