dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
