ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
