i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
