When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
