I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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