4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
