it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
